Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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