Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
