what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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