and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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