He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
