i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
