listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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