so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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