Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
