I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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