...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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