Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
