All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
