the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
