Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
