Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
