last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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