Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
