I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This is the high leading the old right now
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
