he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
