Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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