Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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