Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
