I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
