i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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