she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
