There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize