we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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