You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
