who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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