what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You did what with his pubic hair?
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