you will always have a special place in my vag
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
