I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
