First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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