Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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