I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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