Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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