brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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