well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
