And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
