is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
