i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
