...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
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