I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
