Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
