Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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