Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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