Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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