You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
