all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
