There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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