just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
40s are totally the cure
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
