i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
