we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
