whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Boobs speak an international language.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
