I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
