yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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