I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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