I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
bring money and cleavage
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
