96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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