i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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