I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
