wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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