when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize