Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
